If you’re a mom with a child facing constant or recurring health challenges, you probably have a lot on your mind.

How do you support them? How do you keep your spirits up and stay strong for them? What goes through your head during tough times?

Do you have a constant inner dialogue about doing everything perfectly, or do you struggle with feelings of failure when things don’t go as planned? Maybe you find yourself caught in a cycle of negative self-talk, questioning if you're doing enough or doing it right.

Just as with any other challenging situation, supporting your child through health issues involves more than just the practical aspects. There’s the learning curve of understanding their condition, knowing what treatments and care are needed, and how to best provide that care.

Then there's the challenge of integrating that knowledge into daily life, forming new routines, and letting go of old habits that might not be helpful anymore.

And finally, it’s about consistently applying those new habits and routines, making adjustments as needed, and staying resilient through the ups and downs.

A crucial part of this journey is adopting positive mindset shifts to help you stay motivated and resilient. These shifts can make all the difference in how you and your child navigate their health challenges, keeping you both moving forward with hope and strength.

Why Is It So Hard Mentally to Support Your Child Through Health Challenges?

Supporting a child with constant or recurring health issues can be mentally exhausting. With a barrage of advice and opinions on social media, plus your own inner thoughts and worries, it's easy to feel overwhelmed and unsure of your efforts.

Seeing other families on social media who seem to have it all together can be discouraging when your journey feels slow and uncertain. The reality is, each child’s health journey is unique, and progress can often be slow and uneven. This doesn’t mean you’re failing; in fact, it often means you’re on the right track.

Just as rapid weight loss is rarely sustainable, a quick fix for your child’s health issues is often unrealistic. Slow and steady progress is usually a good sign that you're making thoughtful, lasting changes.

Mindset Shift 1: Focus on the Bigger Picture of Overall Health Improvements

From supporting hundreds of families in my LITTLE Gut Reset program going through similar situations, I’ve seen the positive effects that come from focusing on overall health improvements first.

When you prioritize your child's overall well-being, the specific health challenges they face often become more manageable. It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day struggles, but looking at the bigger picture can reveal unexpected benefits.

For instance, while working on managing your child’s health issues, you might notice improvements in other areas, such as an improved mood, better digestion, and a decreased likelihood of catching infections.

These positive changes can make a significant difference in their overall quality of life, which in turn can make managing their primary health issues a bit easier. Focusing on health first creates a solid foundation for your child’s well-being and helps foster a more positive and resilient mindset for both of you.

Tip: Keep a journal to monitor their health and progress.

By regularly noting even the subtlest changes or improvements, you become more aware of what’s working and what needs adjustment. This practice not only helps in tracking progress but also provides valuable insights that can be shared with healthcare providers to better tailor treatments and interventions. Seeing these small, positive changes can be a powerful motivator for you to keep going, providing reassurance that your efforts are making a real difference in your child's well-being.

Mindset Shift 2: Have a Specific Action Plan

Saying you want to "help your child feel better" or "manage their health issues" is a great intention, but it's not very clear on what you need to do to accomplish those goals. These statements are too vague and can feel overwhelming, making it hard to set and achieve realistic goals.

Instead, get specific and come up with solid guidelines for what supporting your child's health means to you. This clarity will help you identify the behaviors and actions that will make a big difference in managing their health challenges.

For example, if one aspect of your child's care involves ensuring they get enough rest, don't just say, "I need to make sure they sleep more." Determine a specific bedtime routine, the optimal amount of sleep they need each night, and steps to create a calming environment before bed. 

In the past, you might have thought, "I need to improve their nutrition." But without specifics, it's hard to track improvement. Instead, try setting a more detailed action plan, such as incorporating specific fruits and vegetables into their meals, ensuring they drink a certain amount of water each day, or eliminating certain processed foods from their diet.

Having a specific action plan makes it easier to track progress, see what’s working, and adjust as necessary. This approach not only helps you stay organized and focused but also provides a clear path forward, making the journey feel more manageable and less daunting.

Tip: The lesson here is setting smaller, specific goals that are achievable.

That’s what an action plan can do for you – it takes out the mystery of how you are going to accomplish your goal. It allows you to do some problem-solving to see which actions and habits work and which ones you are having trouble achieving that need to be tweaked.

Setting specific action goals is a skill set. We emphasize this in our LITTLE Gut Reset program as well as in one-on-one counseling sessions with…both excellent opportunities to build your confidence in this life-changing skill.

Shift 3: Ditch the Perfectionist Mentality

Are you a perfectionist? Do you have an all-or-nothing attitude? If yes, you are not alone, and it’s possible to change that mindset.

Why is perfectionism holding you back?

When you set up a situation in your mind where you require perfection, it is next to impossible to achieve.

And then, what happens when things don’t go perfectly? Do you feel shame and blame towards yourself? Do you just throw in the towel and give up on your specific action plan? Those negative thoughts won't help you support your child effectively.

Understand that there WILL be mistakes along the way. And when they happen, it’s time to learn from them, not give up completely. Think about the next action you can take and get right back at it.

Here are some examples that might resonate:

• You had a particularly rough week and didn’t have time to cook, so you ended up getting your child fast food.

• You forgot to give them their supplements on time and worry it might have set them back.

These are opportunities you can learn from. You do not need to beat yourself up for the rest of the day (or the rest of the week!). Instead, let’s look at how these situations can be learning experiences:

1. You didn’t have time to cook and ended up getting your child fast food.

Is there a way to better manage your meal planning and prep? Maybe your week is too packed, and it would be better to prepare meals in advance over the weekend or use a meal delivery service.

Or perhaps you could stock up on healthier, quick-prep options like pre-washed salads, rotisserie chicken, and frozen vegetables to make nutritious meals in a pinch.

There’s no right answer here, and lots of other options. What are some practical ones you might try to support your child’s health? I challenge you to come up with at least 5 ideas right now and write them down.

2. You forgot to give them their supplements on time.

That’s helpful information! What might you do differently next time? If your mornings are too rushed, perhaps you could set up a supplement station with reminders to help you remember.

If it’s challenging to remember supplements in the evening, maybe align it with another daily activity, like dinner, to create a consistent routine.

Problem-solve how to make better choices next time. Instead of beating yourself up, realize that NOBODY is perfect. We are always given situations that help us learn more about ourselves. Rather than focusing on your lack of perfection, focus on small progress steps. Focus on where you want to improve next time and where you need better planning.

Ask yourself: “How can I manage my week better to ensure my child gets the care they need?”

And tell yourself: “Okay, that situation showed me I need a better plan, but the very next time I care for my child, I will make sure it’s thoughtful and well-organized.”

That’s a healthy mindset that will lead to better support for your child.

Mindset Shift 4: Adopt a "Choosing" Mindset vs. "Cheating"

When supporting a child with constant or recurring health issues, it’s easy to fall into a mindset of “cheating” versus “choosing” when it comes to their care routines and diet. This shift in perspective can make a big difference in how you handle setbacks and make decisions.

Instead of viewing deviations from their health plan as “cheating,” which implies a moral failing or a major mistake, start thinking of them as choices. This simple change in language can have a profound impact on how you feel and how effectively you support your child.

Mindset of Choosing:

For example, if you decide to give your child a treat knowing that it might not align perfectly with their dietary needs or health plan, you’re making a conscious choice. Perhaps it’s a special occasion, and you’ve decided that a small indulgence is worth it for the moment. By acknowledging that you’re choosing this path, you can still make informed and balanced decisions about the rest of their meals and care.

The good news is that by making this a conscious decision, you’re empowered to make healthier choices moving forward. It helps you avoid the all-or-nothing mentality and stay focused on long-term progress. You’re not bound by guilt or a sense of failure; instead, you’re making thoughtful decisions that work within the context of your overall plan.

Mindset of Cheating:

If you view a slip-up as “cheating,” it’s easy to let that feeling snowball into further lapses in care, potentially leading to a longer period of neglecting their health plan. The “cheating” mentality can make it tempting to throw in the towel, thinking, “I’ve already messed up, so I might as well continue.”

The Bottom Line:

Instead of labeling deviations as “cheating” or “bad,” view them as choices. Take responsibility for each decision and then move on. Make a conscious effort to adjust your approach for the next step, whether it’s choosing a healthier meal or addressing another aspect of their care.

This shift gives you more freedom and empowerment in supporting your child’s health. It helps you maintain balance and stay motivated, leading to a more positive and sustainable approach to managing their health challenges.

Mindset Shift 5: Focus on What You CAN Control

When you’re supporting a child with constant or recurring health issues, life doesn’t pause for you. Holidays, family emergencies, work stress—these things will come your way, and they can disrupt even the most well-thought-out care plans.

The key during these times is to focus on what you CAN control, rather than getting overwhelmed by the things you can’t. 

When life gets especially chaotic—maybe you’re dealing with a family member’s hospitalization or navigating a job change—concentrate on the aspects of your child’s care that you can manage. For instance, you might focus on:

By focusing on these controllable aspects, you can help manage stress and maintain some stability in your child's care. Balanced nutrition and a consistent routine can help keep their health on track and make stressful times a bit easier to handle.

Remember, it’s okay if things aren’t perfect. The goal is to do your best with what you have and keep moving forward. Balanced eating and maintaining a routine can help manage stress better and support your child’s well-being. Don’t beat yourself up for the times when things don’t go as planned—just refocus on what you can control and keep striving to provide the best care you can.

Practice Your Mindset for Supporting Your Child’s Health

Practice shifting your mindset to better support your child through their health challenges and see how much more manageable their care can become. Focus on overall well-being (not just immediate fixes), create a specific action plan, let go of the perfectionist mentality, reframe "cheating" into conscious choices (with an emphasis on healthy decisions), and concentrate on what you can control.

Do your best one step at a time, and you’ll keep making progress inch by inch in providing better support for your child.

Bonus Tip: Support System!

Surround yourself with supportive people. Having a support system is incredibly important for navigating the ups and downs of your child’s health journey.

Whether it’s family, friends, or professional coaches, having people who understand and can offer encouragement makes a big difference.

Remember, you’re not alone in this—let those around you help you stay strong and positive as you work through this lifelong journey of parenting and caregiving.

Much Love and Healing,

xx Bettina